Lately I’ve been wrestling with God over letting go of one of my dreams, to speak the word that sustains the weary, to share what He teaches me with a larger audience. The other day, He brought me before Jesus on the cross as we continued the conversation.

The death of the dream makes me sad, but so does seeing how I want to hold onto it. As I refuse to let it die, I realize a tiny bit more what it meant that Jesus surrendered himself fully on the cross. He didn’t hold anything back, but was fully obedient. As I stand in awe of his ability to put himself to death, to turn himself over and not speak a word in his defense or grasp any claims of significance for himself, I realize that worshiping him means “on the cross” as well as “on the throne.” At first I couldn’t honestly say I wanted to follow him there, only “Please, Jesus, help me be more obedient like you, holding less back for myself.”

But after worshiping him on the cross for a while, I could finally say, “Dear Jesus, I want to be with you on your cross. Let me join you in surrendered, obedient death; I ask you to crucify that part of me.” Will it have to be done again and again, because I am a living sacrifice? Will it be a matter of taking up my cross daily? Perhaps. But praise be to God, Jesus has done it once and for all.

… And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself. Hebrews 7:27